


Now, Speaking of Friends

by flibbertygigget



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Fluff, Gen, discussion of sex, fashion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18054980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: In which Trina stares at Whizzer's ass and there is some frank discussion.





	Now, Speaking of Friends

His sort-of lover’s ex-wife is staring at his ass.

Whizzer would be the first person to tell you that he has an excellent ass. He’s entitled to it, really - he spends too much time at the gym and money on flattering trousers to have mediocre anything. But he wouldn’t have thought that Trina, of all people, would bother to appreciate it.

“Like what you see?” he says with a wink. Trina jerks her gaze away, somewhere between guilty and pissed off. 

“Screw you,” she snaps.

“Sorry, I don’t screw women. I do have  _ some _ dignity.” Trina sighs, and Whizzer reminds himself that he doesn’t actually want to make Marvin’s life harder than it already is. Well, he  _ does _ , but - oh, you get the idea. It’s a dick joke. “Besides, don’t you and that shrink have a thing going on?”

“Oh, I don’t  _ know _ .” 

“Complicated?”

“Why am I talking to you about this?” Despite the words, she doesn’t leave the room. She doesn’t even try to stop staring at his ass. Whizzer cocks his hip in a way that he knows make guys go wild and turns to face her.

“Maybe because I have experience?” She snorts. “No, but seriously, what’s-his-face is obviously lusting after you. I thought he was about to cum in his pants just shaking your hand.” Trina wrinkles her nose, obviously put off by his crudeness, but she doesn’t argue. “So what’s stopping you?”

“I’m not looking for a cheap screw,” Trina says. The  _ unlike my ex-husband _ goes unstated. “If I fall for someone, I want it to be real. I want it to last.”

“Well, good luck with  _ that _ .”

“What, no advice?”

“Honey, I am the wrong person to ask for relationship advice. Sex advice, totally, but I’m not exactly the relationship type.”

“I suppose you won’t be willing to marry me, then.” Whizzer laughs.

“Sorry, but  _ what _ ?”

“Never mind. It was just a passing thought.”

“No, go on, please. I want to know how what the hell made you think about marrying the definition of a flaming queer.” Trina rolls her eyes.

“I said it was just a passing thought, didn’t I?” Whizzer gestures for her to go on. “Oh, I don’t know. You and Jason seem to get on alright. Better than him and Marvin, at least, not that it’s difficult to do that.”

“He’s a good kid,” Whizzer says. And then, because that sentiment was just  _ disgustingly _ domestic, “He has good taste, at least.”

“Besides, I at least know that you’re a decent lover.”

“Decent?  _ Decent? _ I’m offended, Trina, horribly offended. I want flowers.” Trina laughs.

“And there’s that.”

“There’s what?”

“We get along. We’ve  _ always _ gotten along, no matter how hard I try to hate you.” Somewhere along the line, Whizzer thinks, this conversation got incredibly dangerous. “If you weren’t a homosexual…”

“If I wasn’t a homosexual, I would instantly lose, like, half my personality,” Whizzer interrupts. “Besides, did you miss me saying that I don’t do relationships? Because I don’t. I’m a irrepressible ho.”

“God, I wish I could be like that,” Trina says. “Maybe then I could just screw Mendel and get over Marv.”

“Hey, it’s never too late to start,” Whizzer says. “Besides, what’s-his-face seems to be just as much of a hopeless romantic as you are. Dress up a little more, flirt on purpose, and - Wham, bam, thank you ma’am!” He claps his hands. “You get to screw, Jason gets a brand new father, and Marvin gets to act like a victim. Win, win, win.” Trina is visibly trying to suppress a smile.

“You act like it’s so easy.” 

“Of course it’s easy. It’s basically what I do when I walk into a club, just with a more permanent goal.”

“I don’t think I know how to,” she makes an abstracted sort of squiggly gesture, “you know, impress. I never really tried with Marvin.” Whizzer looks her up and down critically. Quite frankly, she looks like what she is - a housewife who’s more than a little desperate for sex. Not exactly his typical canvas, but he can work with it. Besides, the shrink’s so desperate that he’d probably sleep with her even if she dressed like  _ Marvin _ . This is more about getting Trina to the point where she’ll actually make a goddamn move.

“First, clothing. You don’t have a bad figure, and more importantly you have a color that can go with anything.” Trina blinks at him, obviously not having expected her ex-husband’s sort-of lover to be going right in with the advice. Whizzer ignores her. “I’m thinking some sort of pink - ruby or cirese would be best. Pants instead of skirts, since I have a hunch that this Mendel needs someone else to wear them. And you can definitely pull off bold patterns - maybe yellow, black, brick. We’re going to have to go shopping, if only so that we can find you a decent tailor.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Please, I’m putting it all on Marvin’s credit card. Also, hair. Yours is already fabulous; you really just need a trim and a little product.”

“You really think my hair looks good?”

“Of course. Would I lie to you?” Trina gives an embarrassed sort of laugh.

“I guess not,” she says. “And this will help me… what, get a date?”

“It’ll make your potential boytoy want to jump on you, I promise,” Whizzer says. “Come on. We need to get your outfit sorted before Jason’s next appointment - and before Marvin comes back and realizes that I nicked his credit card.” 


End file.
